


i shot the sheriff('s son)

by somepeoplearewild



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Caught, Drabble, Gen, M/M, Minor Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-12 12:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19946548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somepeoplearewild/pseuds/somepeoplearewild
Summary: Stiles gets to go to the ER.





	i shot the sheriff('s son)

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. i'm posting drabbles now.
> 
> 2\. i only wrote this so i could use the title. i might rewrite it into stallison bc they're the couple we deserved.
> 
> 3\. i didn't even read this after i wrote it
> 
> 4\. i didn't tag this as underage bc you technically don't see any of the macking.
> 
> 5\. CONTEXT: Stiles and Derek get blindsided by a group of hunters in the woods. Allison shoots Stiles to prove to a group of hunters that she's not in cahoots with the creatures.

“AN _ARROW_ , ALLISON?!” Stiles screams into the phone from the passenger seat of Derek’s douchemobile as he tries not to get his copious amounts of blood all over the interior per request of the douche himself.

Allison’s tinny voice comes through the speaker, far more calmly than Stiles would prefer. “I had to convince them I wasn’t with you!”

“By SHOOTING ME?!”

“Getting shot in the leg is way better than being executed on the spot, which is what they were going to do to you. I saved your life, asshole.”

Stiles splutters in pure disbelief, physically unable to form words in reply to her. Derek slips the phone out of his hand as Stiles continues to gape.

“He’ll be fine. Just tell Scott to meet us at the hospital.” Derek clicks end call and tosses Stiles’ phone back at him carelessly.

This is why Stiles can never get hurt. _He_ ’s the responsible one. The logical one. The moderately empathetic one. When everyone else gets hurt, he’s there to walk them through the steps of recuperation, whereas when he gets hurt, he’s left in the care of a bunch of heartless asshats. Hopefully, Melissa will be at the hospital because she’s just about the only other person in Beacon Hills besides his dad that he trusts to keep him alive.

••••

After the brief surgery to remove the arrow from his calf, Stiles is happily sitting in the hospital bed, drugged out of his fucking mind. So of course, that’s when his dad and Scott decide to start grilling him for answers.

“What did they say?”

“Are they working with the Argents?”

“What were you even doing in the woods with Derek?”

Stiles lolls his head to the side with a dopey grin. “We were searching,” he slurs to Scott’s very concerned face.

“For what?” his dad asks from the bedside chair.

“His prostate,” Stiles says like it’s obvious.

His dad shoots out of his chair and to the other side of the room in a second while Scott gags. His dad has his hands over his face, which is no doubt redder than a beet.

“I could’ve gone my whole life-“

“Derek is twenty-one!” Scott is cut off by his father’s angry outburst.

“Age is a number.”

“Shut up, Stiles. I swear to god, when I get my hands on him-“

“No, he’s mine!”

“God fucking dammit.”

••••

When Stiles wakes up, it’s to the jostling of a car, his dad’s cruiser by the looks of it. He’s in the front seat with his bandaged leg propped up on a pillow on the dashboard.

“Wha? What’s going on?”

“How ya doing, kiddo?”

“My head hurts and my leg hurts. Is everything okay?”

“The doctor said you were good to go about two hours ago. You’ll be on crutches at least until the stitches come out. Allison’s a clean shot, so you should be fine in a couple weeks. Now, let’s talk about the adult who’s having sexual relations with my underaged son.”

“Fuck.”

“There will be no more of that,” his dad says sternly. “I’m not going to tell you to break up with him, but until you’re of legal age I don’t want you two doing anything explicit.”

“Define explicit.”

“Chaste kisses.”

“What is this? A romance novel? Come on! I should at least get tongue privileges.”

“And you’re grounded.”


End file.
